Beware - Fake News... but it is plausible...

LEAKED Documents from the government office (not really)

And so Theresa May was summoned to appear before a committee consisting of all the large corporations in London who have been behind the conservatives (and Tony Blair)... back in March 2017


Spokesman: Good morning Theresa, thanks for coming. We want you to call a snap election.

Theresa May: Why? we are doing fine, I'm just getting my feet under the table and we are way ahead in the polls

Spokesman: I can't tell you everything Theresa but let us just say it is essential you call a general election

Theresa May: Possibly it would be a good thing, I can get that. Consolidate my position as elected, strengthen the support for our policies. Give Brexit more authority.

Spokesman: Just one more thing Theresa... we want you to lose the election... and... we don't want it too look too obvious either.

Theresa May: What? Why on earth would I want to call an election and then lose it? You must explain!

Spokesman: OK... I have been authorised to give you some information, but it is top secret... for your ears only, do you understand?

Theresa May: Yes ok... please enlighten me...

Spokesman: There are some difficult times approaching in the global financial markets. There are so many potential risks out there and debt is at unprecedented levels. Let's say there is a bit of a meltdown on the way. There are also many trigger possibilities.

There will be huge debt write off's... there will be turmoil in the stock exchanges and Britain will lose its credit rating and be unable to borrow from international lenders... we will be forced to trade within the confines of our finances... that's going to be acute levels of austerity.

We need a fall guy. We have already put everything in place for the incoming Labour leader Corbyn, very fortunate really that his ideas are so left wing. He will soon realise that to achieve his goals he is making vast assumptions based on systems that we have in place and historic facts... let's just say... these assumptions won't come to pass.

Actually to come through this is going to be tough. But the turmoil that ensues after his victory will be both swift and devastating... a bit like Gordon Brown following Blair back in the day...

The good news is that we will rebuild... we will come to the rescue... we will gradually put things back into order... of course with controls, checks and balances favourable to us... we will almost be begged to step in. We won't get back to where things were.. the good old days... but we will be back in control... the financial reset navigated... business back to usual... if not a little different. We'll need to be resourceful and agile but there are plenty of supporters out there... we have a lot to lose!

You don't want to be embroiled in all of this turmoil do you Theresa? ... actually I would suggest even if you can't manage to scupper the election that you step down anyway. You will be forgiven (and ironically you might even find people feeling sorry for you). People have incredibly short memories anyhow.. you can just say that this was an effective vote of no confidence in you. It's ok... you'll be good on the speaking circuit... or we'll parachute you into a few Non Exec Director roles. We'll make it as easy as possible for you.

Theresa May: I didn't realise things were so bad?

Spokesman: Well we've been limping along getting as much money out of the system since 2007... we're all prepared now to take this big collapse on... most of us have our money elsewhere now too. Brexit has helped to take the focus off all this and our colleagues in Europe can be relied to pull up the drawbridge and the monetary support once Corbyn is in charge... we're pretty much good to go. We'll do a little more agitating on the Europe front anyhow shouldn't be too difficult. Most of us have covered ourselves with spreadbetting into other currencies and offshoring anyhow and we'll move anything into Europe that is essential. This will mitigate our losses and any disruption going forward.

Theresa May: What about the Health service, Education, Social care and Climate change?

Spokesman: Theresa, Theresa... we've enough on our hands trying to ensure we protect our money and the businesses... all these other things are really just side show distractions for you politicians to play around with and keep yourself amused. Once we get through the incoming tough ordeal and we've finally buried Corbyn's ideologies from the last century we can turn our attention to these things. To be really truthful everyone is slowly being taken care of even though not popular... the NHS is slowly being privatised with our financial allies... the Education system is now a proper money making engine (finally). Social Care? well you've been doing a great job of eroding that for a few years, big pat on the back for that... and climate change... let's leave Trump to take the rap for that shall we?

Theresa May: This isn't going to be easy... not sure I can pull off losing this one but I'll do my best. Might have to just write a poor manifesto, canvass in areas where we have little hope of turning things around... maybe get a few things wrong.. how does that all sound?

Spokesman: If you could come up with a couple of ideas that are really contentious... maybe do a turnaround... then why not refuse to appear in public debates; you can get people thinking 'Strong and Stable' is less plausible and that you are running scared... that should do it... just do your best Theresa that's all we can hope for...

Theresa May: You know I don't like it... I am committing political suicide here, but I've always towed the line and followed what I've been told to do... so I won't change now. Election June 8th sound good?

Spokesman: Well done Theresa we knew we could count on you... that is the date we had in mind too!

Just a bit of fun... what is this really all about though? Will we every really know? makes you wonder though... or should we just move on from this tired system and create something that works for us the people?



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