Lent words - Day 17 ~ Reconcile

So an interesting word for Day 17 : Reconcile

I'm very behind... but I'm not beating myself up!

This word has so much depth and I can cite many situations where it evokes different meanings. We can reconcile something to death... we can be reconciled with death... I remember very well the miners strikes and the reconciliation service ACAS being constantly in the the news in the 70's and 80's.

When we get under the covers of "reconcile" though what does it actually mean?

  • Coming to terms with something, reconciling ourselves with death or with God for those who travel that road
  • Reaching a compromise, union disputes as mentioned above a great example 
  • Acceptance of a situation, I am reconciled to the fact that this will happen... 
  • Reconciled our differences, perhaps listening and re-establishing an old relationship gone sour
  • I have now reconciled my thoughts in this area... content with where I am on something

It's really interesting to ponder the examples of situations where reconcile is being used. In the majority of cases I would guess reconciliation would be thought of something that happens between two parties, but is it really?

To reconcile for me means to reach a state of 'Job Done'. It's something that has been sorted. But reconciliation can involve some huge personal shifts. It's a very difficult place and normally it is as a result of a period of huge discomfort and opposing views. How do you possibly resolve such a thing? Laying our souls bare and our thoughts on the table is a hugely vulnerable place hence why mediation is such an important growing area. Butting heads in a court of law to win... to be vindicated as 'right' is a rather blunt instrument which in many circumstances is a sledge hammer solution which leaves matters unresolved but in an 'official' capacity 'job done'.

It takes a huge amount of internal work to swallow our pride or to let go of our beliefs. I know in the past there was this huge irritation that comes with having to 'give in' or let others 'get one up on us'. Having the last word became a constant battle of bickering which just degenerated to verbal abuse... yes, plenty of experience in this arena in my youth.  How many wars, how many deaths have been forged in the caverns of ego and pride? For what? ... to be right?

... and yet it continues unabated in politics and in business, how far have we humans yet to travel?

So most of us might believe that reconciliation comes about when two parties (or more) seek to create a situation where all parties are happy... probably too strong a word... "are content to move on" might be a more accurate definition.

Where does the actual reconciling get done? ... is it the conversation between the parties concerned? ... or is it conversation between ourselves, pride and ego? Whatever is presented to either party needs to be 'acceptable'... but how do we compute acceptable?

Swallowing our pride, taking a hit on our ego, feelings of insecurity, facing unknown outcomes, desiring power and control over the other, guilt, and possibly the need to win and dominate... all come into the battle we do inside our minds. Sometimes we might even need to rewrite out false beliefs that could be preventing us from moving forwards in any direction.

Reconciliation is hard hard work

Not because of the discussions themselves, or the person across the way, but that we have to do so much work on ourselves. It's how we think about the problem... 

For example... if I thought... well if I accept that condition, they have completely taken me for a ride... I'm not having that. We could be in a stalemate situation. If I chose to say. Actually I don't need the money, and if that enables us to move on and get this sorted... I'll just accept the condition... then the process can roll on... 

We could choose not to do that for some reason? Keep the angst going? ... sometimes we are the 'flexible component' ... the one able to do the internal brain work... it's not that we're being walked over, being 'stitched up'... we have taken back our power... and enabled reconciliation. 

Reconciliation is in my thinking the decision to be kind to yourself. There can be no reconciliation without an internal shift by someone. Be that 'someone' ... make the shift and move on. Many people can't change... If you have that skill... It is your gift please use it... Or everyone loses... you have the mental agility to release yourself from the cage...

Be prepared though... for the sting in the tail... the gloating over victory (although this often is just a creation in our own minds too)... the confirmation that they were right... that you were wrong... perhaps this is the toughest part... but take solace that you are now free...

In Conclusion

Reconciliation is an opportunity to listen (reflect)... to deepen understanding... to learn lessons... to connect more fully and to grow. It provides us with a chance to find peace... to be at ease with a situation and to accept. Reconciliation often leads to freedom to move on through letting go. 


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